All night long

 

Today has been a most excellently wonderful day.

I woke up around 9am, a tad on the late side but I must have needed the sleep. My use of the CPAP machine fluctuates. I never know how long it's been on, but lately at some point I actually wake up and take it off. I even shut the machine off, too. I have absolutely no recollection of doing this. I'm trying to get it deep into my psyche that I need to keep the mask on. All night long.

I walked over to the Village to meet an old friend today. We went to a restaurant, then had a lovely walk around the village and talked of old (and new) times. It was magical. I felt invigorated. Like I was a kid again. As we walked through Cawthra park (we visited the AIDS memorial and said a prayer for those gone ahead of us) my thoughts went back to that clumsy, awkward and clueless 16 year old kid who finally grew a pair and came out. I actually met this friend in that very same park. We had a smashing time.

I was able to do a small favour for a new friend tonight. It was almost an afterthought, but it served to remind me: stuff that YOU might think is small and of no consequence, can actually mean a very great deal to someone else. I was reminded of this when this person gave me a big hug to thank me. It was such a small thing, but I'm so happy I was able to help out. A very young couple. Just starting out in their own place in the big city.

I feel well and truly blessed.

As I sit here, winding down my night, I can't help thinking that so many of my problems are created by my own self. I have it pretty good. I've got a cool little apartment downtown, I have amazing old and new friends, I have a job I can work at when I'm feeling well and I have a freedom and independence to do a lot of good shit in the future. I feel pretty damned good tonight. I know this "good" feeling is a hiccup, a bipolar fart, but I'm going to stay up a little later and revel in just how right the world feels right now.

All good things.