Downsides…

 

The downswings of bipolar really, really suck.

I just need to vent to an ear who might care. Things are going pretty good, in the sense I have organised myself, I'm accessing the resources I need and I have the basics down. But the serious stuff? Like work, and the gym? with 12, sometimes 16 hours in my day, I still can't seem to get those two things into the daily schedule.

Am I slacking? Am I just overloaded, with all I can handle on my plate for the moment. I think all three are happening: I'm slacking because I still suffer tired periods throughout the day and instead of plowing right through them and getting my second wind like I'm supposed to do, I'm giving in. I'm overloaded well, because this apartment, this lifestyle, this way of doing things, it's all new to me. And new changes bring a certain level of stress with them whether it's good, or bad. The stress is still there to some degree and I need to recognise and deal with that.

By using the H A L T acronym (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) I'm able to be good to myself at times where it's appropriate. But I've got to crack that whip and force myself into the routine: It's gonna be gym in the early morning, doing my errands and projects before noon, and getting to work in the early afternoon and going to evening. This is the ONLY WAY I'm going to challenge and overcome this hump. But my failure so far to do so is really doing a number on my self esteem.

I really, really need hugs. Badly.

I'm off to church for 10:30am, then lunch in the parish hall, then archiving with Robert for a spell, and then home to work my ass off. Wish me luck.

All Good Things, everyone.