I really want, and need, to finally quit smoking. It's kind of useless to let the cigarettes dictate the time that you finally quit for you, if you know what I'm saying lol. I mean, when the cigarettes tell you it's time you quit, it's because you've had a stroke, a heart attack or you're getting chemo for a type of smoking-related cancer. I just don't feel in control. Right now, smoking is the most disgusting thing imaginable to me, yet when I'm off the cigs for a matter of a few hours, the sheer pain from the withdrawal sends me into a panic. It REALLY hurts! It's terrible. I wish I had that kind of craving for making art, or money, or weight lifting.
No, the trick is to sublimate, by any means possible, the pain of the cravings into positive things like working extra hours, taking extra long walks, hitting the gym, ANYTHING that's positive and healthy. I've got to channel these negative emotions and cravings into positive ends. So this is gonna be my last smoke. I'm so destitute right now I can't really afford them anyways, which is yet another issue in a long list of reasons why I need to quit. If, say, I did quit, and I continue to pursue my exercise goals, could I perhaps end up in a year being 100 times more healthy than I am today? And in three years could I be as healthy as a non-smoker? Or have I just ruined my body? I don't want to wait for that stroke or heart attack to cripple my health. God, please help me figure out the way. Amen.
Off to church for 10am. It's a feast day of the Virgin Mary. All good things folks.
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